Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
