I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
