I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
