i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
