I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
