I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
