And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
