you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
