I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
