bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
