Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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