she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
