Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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