In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
