How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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