seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
try to milk me bitch
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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