Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
