Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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