I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
