i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
