Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
