ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize