I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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