I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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