Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
