You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
