32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
