sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
