I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
