he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
