I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Blow job season was short but glorious.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
