I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
