well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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