Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
