that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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