Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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