Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
