god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
