Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
