so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
