are you so shy because you have an std?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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