K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
