the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
