so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
