We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
