you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
