Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
