I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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