then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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