So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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