You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
do nipples grow back?
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