Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will be naked everywhere
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
