Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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