she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
