Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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