I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
