Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just high enough for therapy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
