I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
