It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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