My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
two words: eviction party
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
