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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.

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• (323): View more from California

  It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ooooh. Get funfetti

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend

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