Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball