Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.

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(248): i fuckib htae you, you church bitch. http://tfl.nu/lauo

Replies (4) Good night (977) Bad night (1012)
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(251): View more from Alabama

I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.

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(251): I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa. http://tfl.nu/la3v

Replies (26) Good night (4404) Bad night (717)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.

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(208): Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat. http://tfl.nu/qpwr

Replies (15) Good night (4381) Bad night (1149)
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(323): View more from California

Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.

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(323): Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl. http://tfl.nu/6wl6

Replies (32) Good night (2172) Bad night (4227)
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(719): View more from Colorado

I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.

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(719): I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer. http://tfl.nu/q96h

Replies (4) Good night (1055) Bad night (666)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.

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(860): Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am. http://tfl.nu/9zeo

Replies (6) Good night (1728) Bad night (723)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.

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(902): So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend. http://tfl.nu/e1lt

Replies (5) Good night (2585) Bad night (563)
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(248): View more from Michigan

What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?

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(248): What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence? http://tfl.nu/gb31

Replies (6) Good night (1167) Bad night (866)
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(949): View more from California

I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice

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(949): I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice http://tfl.nu/cwbs

Replies (11) Good night (1433) Bad night (623)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.

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(785): Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/uwxb

Replies (12) Good night (654) Bad night (1568)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.

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(202): Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out. http://tfl.nu/48b9

Replies (17) Good night (2244) Bad night (1034)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.

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(617): The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie. http://tfl.nu/3kb9

Replies (16) Good night (1305) Bad night (518)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.

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(410): Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win. http://tfl.nu/bzly

Replies (9) Good night (1275) Bad night (314)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"

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(248): I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring" http://tfl.nu/0ibn

Replies (3) Good night (758) Bad night (275)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...

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(+61): I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use... http://tfl.nu/rs5j

Replies (1) Good night (260) Bad night (933)

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