So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED