Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
