Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
