Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.

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  (816): I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life. http://tfl.nu/o7kz
  Replies (14) Good night (4761) Bad night (728)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.

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  (505): That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club. http://tfl.nu/cpxm
  Replies (44) Good night (1152) Bad night (6584)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Miracles do happen.

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  (541): I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now. (1-541): Miracles do happen. http://tfl.nu/zv9s
  Replies (13) Good night (4324) Bad night (896)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"

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  (708): Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex" http://tfl.nu/sy7y
  Replies (42) Good night (1535) Bad night (14715)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.

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  (502): If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was. http://tfl.nu/20o3
  Replies (6) Good night (3803) Bad night (988)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom

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  (630): She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/xz6e
  Replies (22) Good night (4749) Bad night (1132)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?

  (607): View more from New York

  Nevermind, it's in the dryer.

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  (607): Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head? (607): Nevermind, it's in the dryer. http://tfl.nu/r8jx
  Replies (6) Good night (3543) Bad night (1017)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.

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  (602): You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger. http://tfl.nu/mosc
  Replies (4) Good night (2113) Bad night (832)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

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  (512): Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus http://tfl.nu/cvrn
  Replies (5) Good night (2563) Bad night (893)
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  (916): View more from California

  You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.

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  (916): You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito. http://tfl.nu/1uk0
  Replies (8) Good night (2221) Bad night (662)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.

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  (774): It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia. http://tfl.nu/toig
  Replies (6) Good night (1227) Bad night (757)
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  (951): View more from California

  Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving

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  (951): Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving http://tfl.nu/6fed
  Replies (5) Good night (454) Bad night (1191)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown

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  (330): And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown http://tfl.nu/9oqz
  Replies (0) Good night (536) Bad night (385)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.

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  (319): I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night. http://tfl.nu/dco8
  Replies (1) Good night (384) Bad night (108)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO

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  (303): Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO http://tfl.nu/snhd
  Replies (2) Good night (258) Bad night (177)

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