Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!