I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
