Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She bit a glass in half.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
