she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
