My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
