I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
