Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
