He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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