I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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