God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
