I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
