If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize