You just made me feel so damn special
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
